Stella Gutierrez’s film invites viewers to share a personal look at her experience with Trichotillomania, and the moment when she opened up to a close teacher and her parents about her experience with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
FADE IN:
OUTSIDE – Day
Music begins to play, someone sitting outside on grass playing with their hands.
FEMALE VOICE, NARRATING
Humans are born with a pair of hands. They can destroy, be violent, or self destruct. They can also create, heal, or give life. Sometimes, I’m really mad at my hands. And other times, I’m actually glad I have them. Hands can be creative, or destructive. I lost myself in the tangles of hair on my bedroom floor.
ON SCREEN: ‘TANGLES’
CUT TO:
Filming Stella, protagonist speaking about her experience
STELLA
If I was just like casually talking maybe my hand would go through my hair and it feels just one specific hair that it doesn’t like. And I feel like it’s wrong it’s different from the rest, I’ll pull it out. And that sends a signal in my brain a rush of adrenaline. It’s obsessive compulsive disorder so I keep on going.
STELLA (CONT’D)
I have trichotillomania and dermatillomania. Trich is greek for hair, till means to pull, and mania means the madness. Same to dermatillomania because derma means skin, and then pulling and then madness. Lots of people they like to pick their hangnails but you know mine they go overboard. And then I just keep on digging, I keep on going, and then it starts bleeding and it just gets out of control so I’m always wearing band-aids on my fingers.
Stella shows filmmaker different sections of her hair.
STELLA (CONT’D)
This is my progress, which I’m trying to keep. It’s all this right here. I pulled all that out when I was in fifth grade. Over that time I kept on pulling and pulling and it was bald for awhile. And most of it, I gotta say, was in one night. I like to think of it as the movie ‘Idle Hands’.
CUT TO:Scenes from the movies “Idle Hands”
MALE (IN FILM)
I have no control over my hand, it makes me do things I don’t want it to do.
STELLA
There’s this guy who also had the idle hands curse and he was just like ‘you gotta keep your hands busy’.
MALE (IN FILM)
I know my hands are the devil’s playpen so I just keep my hands occupied, right?
CUT TO:STUDIO – Day
Back to Interview studio with Stella, and then to an office where she is on her laptop.
STELLA
On my tumblr I follow a lot of trichotillomania blogs, a lot of the stuff they say is really relatable, and sometimes they have these posts that help you out, and I try out that stuff. Not all of it works but some of it does.
VIDEO on Stella’s computer
FEMALE SPOKEN WORD (on Youtube Video)
“Trich, is silly puddy, stress balls, anything to keep my hands busy. It’s a secret, that ends up tangled in the vacuum. Trich is untreatable but I’m doing everything I can to beat it.”
STELLA
Yeah, a lot of that stuff she says is really true, especially usually there’s just a bunch of hair on my floor, and I vacuum it every now and then, and it does get tangled in the vacuum actually.
DISSOLVES TO:
HOUSE – INSIDE
Stella and filmmaker interview Mrs. Myers in her home.
STELLA
My teacher Mrs. Myers she was my eighth grade homeroom teacher. She also had trichotillomania but I’m pretty sure that she got over it. I was in her life skills class and we were talking about the brain, and she was talking about OCD.
MARIA MYERS
‘We were talking about obsessive compulsive disorder and you came to me and you said “Miss Myers, this is the name. That is what it is.” I said, “how do you know?” And then you told me, “cause I have it.” That to me saying it to your ‘bible’, teacher meant a lot.’
STELLA
I certainly didn’t feel alone anymore.
MRS. MYERS
So when I came out and started talking to my closer female friends they were like ‘are you kidding me? You believe in God? Aren’t you reading the bible?’ Yes but what does that have to do with it. ‘Well just stop it.’ It makes you furious inside.
CUT TO:FILM STUDIO
One on one interview with Stella
STELLA
You try to physically stop yourself, I wear a hat sometimes. I can’t do gloves because I have a touchscreen phone.
Stella walks over to photo wall at BAYCAT.
STELLA (INTO CAMERA)
During the making of this film I worked up the guts to tell my parents about my disorder and it’s been a huge sigh of relief and I’m really happy, and they’re super supportive of me. It’s been really great.
Discuss