A love letter to a mother who died of cancer, from her son who followed her footsteps as a teacher. This is a poetic documentary on grief.
1
00:00:16,123 –> 00:00:20,032
November 11th, 2012
2
00:00:22,123 –> 00:00:24,032
Dear Nay
3
00:00:24,123—> 00:00:30,032
It has been two winters since I last saw you.
4
00:00:31,123 —> 00:00:34,032
I’m angry. I have been angry.
5
00:00:35,033—> 00:00:37,032
I’m angry at CANCER
5
00:00:40,033—> 00:00:45,032
Every night I could hear you groan in your sleep,
6
00:00:45,033—> 00:00:49,032
as it metastasize throughout your spine.
7
00:01:00,033—> 00:01:07,032
Every decibel of you pain was a dagger in our hearts, sharp and heavy.
8
00:01:20,033—> 00:01:25,032
I saw your frustration. In your eyes.
9
00:01:26,033—> 00:01:29,032
Of not being able to express what you wanted to.
10
00:01:29,033—> 00:01:33,032
Is such a difficult conundrum as an educator.
11
00:01:34,033—> 00:01:36,032
35 years as teacher.
12
00:01:40,033—> 00:01:43,032
43 years as a mother.
13
00:01:44,033—> 00:01:46,032
65 years an inspiration.
14
00:01:47,033—> 00:01:50,032
Why did it have to be cancer?
15
00:01:53,033—> 00:01:55,032
Shit.
16
00:01:59,033—> 00:02:03,032
The excruciating pain. The mess of being human and sick.
17
00:02:04,033—> 00:02:08,032
The reversal of our roles. The sleepless nights.
18
00:02:08,033—> 00:02:13,032
The dripping chemicals attached to your chest. The double mastectomy.
19
00:02:14,033—> 00:02:16,032
But I also remember our poached eggs for breakfast.
20
00:02:16,033—> 00:02:20,032
And Popeye’s Chicken during our afternoon conversations.
21
00:02:23,033—> 00:02:28,032
I remember the ocean. And the silence.
22
00:02:33,033—> 00:02:38,032
But you said that you were not afraid of death, and that death was more afraid of you.
23
00:02:39,033—> 00:02:45,032
Mom: And I was never afraid of life anymore, that is when my mother died.
24
00:02:46,033—> 00:02:48,032
Nich: How old were you when your mom died, Nay?
25
00:02:49,033—> 00:02:53,032
Mom: I was in the third year college.
24
00:02:54,033—> 00:02:59,032
I was so disappointed. Not because that she died.
25
00:03:00,033—> 00:03:06,032
But because I was not able to repay her, of all those things, of loving me, and the things that she has given me.
24
00:03:12,033—> 00:03:19,032
As I write this, I see the snow that you once found as poetry with your early morning coffee,
24
00:03:22,033—> 00:03:26,032
How I wish you were still here to see through my lenses.
25
00:03:27,033—> 00:03:28,032
The places that I have been
26
00:03:29,033—> 00:03:34,032
The beautiful people I have met whose smiles you would consider as ethereal.
27
00:03:35,033—> 00:03:40,032
The people who loved me and the people who made a difference in who I am.
28
00:03:41,033—> 00:03:44,032
Thank you, Mom, for letting me listen to Bob Marley.
29
00:03:45,033—> 00:03:50,032
For letting me break my piggy bank so that I can buy a guitar to impress a girl.
30
00:03:52,033—> 00:03:57,032
Thank you for supporting me to thrive as an artist.
31
00:03:57,033—> 00:03:59,032
To fall in love as a teacher.
32
00:04:00,033—> 00:04:02,032
And be inspired as a human being.
33
00:04:03,033—> 00:04:07,032
Thank you for teaching me hope even on your last few days on earth,
33
00:04:03,033—> 00:04:07,032
and for letting me share it with others.
34
00:04:12,033—> 00:04:15,032
When she died I said, “So that’s life.”
35
00:04:16,033—> 00:04:20,032
No matter how much you love the person, she’s going to die.
36
00:04:21,033—> 00:04:26,032
So then, I was very very brave. I was never afraid of anybody else.
37
00:04:27,033—> 00:04:32,032
Whoever will block my way, I have to be outspoken.
38
00:04:33,033—> 00:04:36,032
But I know very well, I am in the right path.
39
00:04:38,033—> 00:04:42,032
You know I love you, Nay. Always will.
40
00:04:43,033—> 00:04:48,032
Until our next cup of coffee, Nicholai
Discuss