A woman with childhood trauma takes a compassionate journey in order to heal herself.
Most days, I hear a voice in the back of my head.
The voice tells me this is too hard, and you won’t make it through the day.
Recovery, life, feeling my feelings.
It’s all too much and I should just stop.
But I continue to do the work.
I’ve often wondered why the voice won’t go away,
and leave me alone.
I’ve yelled at it, cursed at it, read books on how to make it disappear.
But nothing ever worked.
So I decided to do something that I never thought I could do.
I accepted it.
All of it.
And only then is when the voice started to sound familiar to me.
That same voice was there when I was 4 years old, and left in the care of strangers.
It was there when I was 6 and just wanted to be loved.
It was there when I was 8, and my boundaries were not respected.
And for the first time I realized that the voice I’d been yelling at, cursing at, fighting with all these years,
was just a little girl.
So I thought it was time we talked.
I just wanted to apologize to you beacuse all this time I didn’t know you existed.
I know you were never allowed to have a voice, but I hear you now.
And from now on, I will listen.
You weren’t taken care of when you needed to be.
But I promise I will support you, nurture you, and I will be there for you.
When things get scary, I will comfort you.
You are safe.
You are worthy.
And most importantly, you are not alone.
I love you.